after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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