forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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