break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am available for nakedness
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