You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
