Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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