Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
