he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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