ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
