apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
