I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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