You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
