y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
