fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
