Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
