return my video game
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
