There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
