my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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