I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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