So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
