either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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