dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
