oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
