I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
