Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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