I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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