The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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