Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
