He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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