You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
