so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
