I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
