Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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