please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
