Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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