a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
