Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
