she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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