it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
