I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
