Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
