Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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