You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
