I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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