R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
