On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
