now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
