Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
