I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Green mimosas i think yes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
