Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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