the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
