After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
