i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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